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I know I have not blogged for a while but there has been a reason for this.
Last week was my birthday and I took the week off of work. Unfortunately my week off of work did not go so well.
The Sunday night (the 4th) people were smoking outside my window for a while which triggered my PTSD. I could not sleep all night and when I was finally tired it was 6am Monday morning (5th). I then slept through to 12pm and set off people's panic attacks because they had not heard from me.
My birthday was crappy. My own mother did not wish me a happy birthday. The first thing that she said to me was “I have to change the cat's vet appointment”. That whole day she did not wish me a happy birthday. My own sibling sent me messages in the afternoon which makes me think that they only remembered last minute because they started seeing birthday messages on my Facebook. I wasn’t expecting much but you know, feeling like a forgotten family member or a second thought was horrible.
Thursday, I tried to help someone out that I knew from my past, which backfired on me in a massive way. I don’t want to go into details because that is not what this blog is for and I don’t have permission to share their story on my blog. But I was devastated.
On Sunday, I had to deal with anger when I had been told by people in my old neighborhood that football fans were using fireworks and flares at people’s buildings. This again triggered my anger and my PTSD. My old neighborhood was North Kensington. It is where the Grenfell Tower fire happened. That is also where I got PTSD. Honestly the anger over the stupidity and awfulness that could drive people to do this overwhelmed me. It’s bad in any borough but a borough that suffered so much pain and loss less than 5 years ago I just want to scream.
To say that this was not the week off I wanted would be an understatement. It has also had the worst knock-on effect this week, so I have struggled a lot this week mentally.
I have also been struggling with my finance. Because I have been fighting for my disability benefits, I have been trying to hold off asking for help. I was thinking “I just need to hold on”. Unfortunately, I am now really struggling for cash. I have now created a PayPal pool. The link is (https://paypal.me/pools/c/8B9ArYGvQl) If you can help donate that would be fantastic. If I made it to £2k that would give me enough to cover my rent and bills for two months and I would be able to buy the things I need and food. It would give me that two-month grace period in the hopes that I will get my disability benefits back.
I need to get an exterminator to deal with the mouse problems in the flat. I need to stockpile some food, so it lasts me a while longer instead of having to buy on a regular basis like washing tablets, washing up liquid or toilet paper. It would also mean that I will be able to stock up on food cupboard food so that if I have a time when my fridge is empty at least I will have dry food that I will be able to use.
If you can help me great, if not please share my paypal pool. If you don’t want to donate to a Paypal Pool because you do not know me, then, Amazon or Sainsburys vouchers will do so that I will be able to use either Morrisons on Amazon Prime or Sainsburys to get some extra food. Any help is beneficial.