Birthday and Positive Vibes

So this will be the last time I say anything about this. July 7th is my birthday. Less then two weeks away. Some people have been asking me what am I expecting from it and to be honest, the answer is nothing.

Due to the family that I come from I expect no presents or cards. I have yet to hear from any of them that they want to get me something so I just decided you know what this year, I am not going to expect anything. This means, if what I think happens happens, I am not going to be broken hearted.

To give you an idea of what my family is like on my birthday, one year I got woken up by my dad, I thought to wish me happy birthday. Oh how wrong I was, it is forever engraved on my brain what he said "Sorry X, I forgot it was your birthday and lost my money gambling". Really not what you want to hear on your birthday. Another occassion, I got woken up by my mum again, wishfully thinking she woke me up to say happy birthday, and oh was I wrong I got woken up to " X your sibling has just passed their exam, this means they can do A,B,C". After 20 minutes I asked them if they were at least planning on wishing me a HAPPY Birthday and I got "oh, er, of course, Happy Birthday.." It had been clear they forgot.

These are just two examples, so this year I decided not to expect anything. If someone tells me they want to get me something, they can message me and I will give them my Amazon Wishlist, but I am not holding my breath.

I even thought about doing a crowd funder for me so that I would be able to celebrate my birthday, have all the food that I havent been able to afford in about a year, buy some things I need such as big plastic containers, maybe a face mask (for beauty), face masks for going out in, hand sanitiser, maybe some more headscarves. I thought about this and decided against it as the last time I tried to crowd fund I was called a "scammer" and told to "stop begging". So I will just be alone with my Guinea Pigs and thats fine by me. At least alone, my heart cant be broken.

So now I want to talk about positive vibes.

Positive vibes do not have to be faked to make it. I got told that I always bring energy and positive vibes to my work.

I was told this is amazing to see. I said in response to this, "when you live your life knowing that periods of change affect you in a negative way, stress causes you to internalise things and struggle with your emotions and social situations freak you out big time to the point you become a powder keg that could go off at the slightest provocation, then you live your life in a way to reduce this."

So, you may be wondering how I live my life in a way that reduces the stressers, and it is a good question. The answer is that I allow myself time to stress. I allow myself the time to feel low and take that selfish day off. By doing that when I am having good days, I can focus on other people and have that wellbeing conversation with them, or listen to the anger over something that has happend. Honestly you have to just find that way to live your life as true to you as possible. By doing this you can bring positivity, love and joy in the world.

Disclaimer time, my way does not always work, but, I allow myself the time to get over the failures before I move on. When I fail, I usually end up having a meltdown which has a big physical impact on the body. Honestly I allow myself to get over it and move on. I can say honestly, before Saturday, my last meltdown was a few months ago. I am happy with that.

Stay safe and well out there and Mahalo to anyone out there who I consider Ohana.


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