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Showing posts from 2021

My Dreams

I was asked today about dreams and what dreams I have. Funnily enough, the person who asked me this question also added “I’m sure being disabled you don’t have any”. So, to prove them wrong, here are my dreams. Dream 1: get a fully paid for college experience in an American University. I always wanted to study Criminal Psychology and have a degree in it. I have been in love with the USA since I was a small child and it was something I always wanted but being undiagnosed autistic and undiagnosed dyslexic, I never had a chance in school. I also came from a poor family so would never be able to afford it. I would want the full experience, albeit living off of campus due to my disabilities. I do not think I would be able to share a dorm, especially with the meds that I take for them. I know at 34 that is never going to happen but if I had a rich sponsor who gave me life changing money and a university agreed to take me on, I would be in HEAVEN! I would even register to do

What Autism is like for me

People who do not understand autism really frustrate me. They don't understand autism, yet when you try to explain it to them, they dont want to listen either. It is really important to say that autism affects people differently. The likelihood of finding two people who are affected the exact same way is negligable. So I am going to tell you how it affects me. I am going to tell you how it affects both externally and internally. SOCIALLY (People I know): When I meet with people I know, I am usually ok enough. I feel comfortable with them and I can talk to them. They know me and they know who I am as a person. They know that if I say something the wrong way that may be taken offensively then it is not on purpose and are more than happy to help me self correct. SOCIALLY (New People): In work I do force myself to go out of my comfort zone as, I want to be happy in my career a

Disability is not an excuse

Being classed as disabled does not give you a pass on being an asswhole! Being disabled does not give you a reason to be a mooch. I am very qualified to say this because I am disabled. I have Autism, Asthma, Spinal Problems, Dyslexia, Depression and PTSD. Yet, despite the fact I deal with these issues I still work. For those in the disabled community who can work with adjustments, but decide not to, then you are perpetuating the image that disabled people can't work. You are perpetuating the idea that we should never be able to work or be part of mainstream society. Do not get me wrong, there are people in the disability community who legitimatly can't work and these people should be protected. For those who can work and choose not to then you are making things worse for those of us who do work. I want to see more people embracing their disabilitys, whilst also showing people that we can still work as we

Thank You For Your Service

Thank you for your service is something I live by. There are men and women who sacrifice their lives for our freedom. When I see people, who do not appreciate the sacrifices they make I get really upset. I wanted to share this with you. I watched a Dhar Mann video, Son Refuses to Honour Military Dad. , and it really affected me. I think because of the autism I get emotional quickly but this video just had me in tears. My first job was running shops and bars for the Armed Forces. This is a great job if you move around or the regiments that are there move around. I was on one barracks for 2+ years. I stayed put and so did the regiment as well. This is great for making friends but not so good when people are killed in action. In 2007, 6 people I knew from the barracks was killed in action within months of each other. I was devastated. This really brought home what people give up when they sacrifice their lives. I knew the girlfriends, wiv

Body Image

Today I want to talk about Body Image. This is something I have battled with my entire life. When I watched a Dhar Mann video with a message of “you can’t heal if you don’t reveal” I decided to share my body image story. I have never really felt like I had a good body image of myself. When I was a teenager, I was only a size 12 and weighed 12 stone. To understand how much I weighed 12 stone is equal to 76Kg or 168lbs. I saw people wearing size 10 and having completely flat stomachs and I hated it. I wanted to be like them, but I could never get that way. Then throw in the fact I stopped growing at 5ft3 (160cm) I was disgusted with the way I looked. Later in life, when I was diagnosed with depression, I started gaining weight. The more disabled I became the bigger I got. Medications kept affecting my appetite and honestly, I found that I hated the way I look. My breasts are too big, and my stomach is almost double the size of when I was a teenager.

What are we doing to our world

The world has become a crazy place. Where people can be demonised for actually wanting to get vaccinated, and those doing the demonising using Donald Trump as an argument. I mean honestly, using a man who threw a tantrum, incited a riot on the capitol, and tried to back peddle on it. Honestly, I would never use Donald Trump to win ANY argument! I have even had people telling me what terminology I am allowed to use to describe myself. I use two terms, one term being “disabled person” and then using “differently abled” person. Someone took offence to the term “differently abled” and tried to tell me what I could and could not say. Did I miss a flight to communist China or North Korea? COVID-19 has created a very strange world, I am not sure I like what it is turning in to. I do what I can to spread love and joy in this world but it seems like it is a losing battle! Here are some things that you can do to help spread joy in the world tha

Friday Shout Out - Millicent Simmonds

Friday Shout Outs are going to be a new thing on my blog. Every week I will find one thing to give a shout out to, whether it is someone in my personal life, who will be anonymised for their privacy, a celebrity, or something that catches my eye. From this shut ins perspective, its my way to spread some positivity into the world. So, without any further delay, this weeks Friday Shout Out is for Millicent Simmonds. If you do not know who Millicent Simmonds is, she is the actress who has a starring role in A Quiet Place and the sequel which was released this year. So why is a celebrity getting a shout out. Well honestly, Millicent ROCKS. She plays a deaf character in the movie and is actually deaf. They did not train a hearing person to play a deaf character they actually went with a deaf actress. One, who for interviews has an interpreter to help her. The fact that she is deaf is not what makes her get a shout out, no, it is the fact

June 29th Anniversary

June 29th is almost upon us. This is a special day for me because on June 29th 2019 I moved into my very first flat. It was the first place I rented that was not attached to a school or work and I was really worried. You may wonder why I was worried. Well, I was worried because it was just over a year since I was finally diagnosed as autistic, and previous attempts at living alone never went well. In fact saying it didn’t go well is an understatement, I crashed and burned. But, I wanted to get my independence and be able to live alone. I did not want to get to a stage where my parents were no longer alive and I had no idea how to cope. It has been a turbulent two years. The first year I was commuting so much that I didn’t have much energy to go out and meet people and then the second year well, COVID-19 happened and I became all alone. Honestly it has had some really difficult moments. It has also had some fantastic moments. I

Thank You to Friends

Dear Courtney, Matt, David, Jennifer, Mathew and Lisa. You probably wont get to read this, although I will tag you in the hopes that you do. I wanted to let you know how much you all meant to me growing up. I was undiagnosed autistic and was only diagnosed at 31. I have also had a hard life. Friends was the only thing that showed me friendship and love and adoration. When I was not able to make friends, and didnt have that support network like was on the show I would watch and feel so happy. Later on in life, especially when I was diagnosed with depression and later PTSD, Friends always helps bring me out of my sadness. Infact when I was first diagnosed, I didnt know how I would survive a life of depression I would watch Friends and I realised that I had something to keep me going in the dark days. Friends saves me every time. Without friends I would struggle when I had depressive episodes. With my autism diagn

Lake Margorie Crash

Two years ago my mum and I took and international trip. We went to Stresa, Lago Maggiorie, Italy. It was an amazing trip and one key thing that we did was take cable cars and skie lifts up to the top of a mountain. It was BEAUTIFUL! We were level with the alps, the snow was fresh and the air was so clean. Which made me sad when my mum told me that the cable cars that we were subject to an accident. A cable car fell and crashed into the moutain, killing many. This is so sad! Honestly just thinking that this could have happened to us when we rode the cable cars - I was a little shaken to say the least. I would like to ask every one no matter your religion please pray for the following; Those who died; The families of those who died; The survivors; The people of Stresa and those who run the Cable Cars; I know this

15 May Scare

On Saturday 15 May I had a horrible scare. I went for a walk to my bank. It is a walk that I have done a few hundred times before. I had my stool with me incase I needed a seat but I was not expecting to need it much. I knew something was wrong from the moment I left my home. I hurt so much. I had no idea what was going on. I forced myself to walk as far as I could and almost collapsed. I set the stool up and sat down, I could not believe it. It was something that I could not understand. I had been doing so well with my physio and everything I did not know what caused this backslide. Normally when I did the walk stop 5 times max. This time I had to stop in the double digits. I had no idea what was going on. When I got home I closed my front door and broke down into tears. I have now been at my physio and they are concerned enough to set me for a further assessment. This backs up the fear that I have taken a bac

Abled body people don't get it

Abled bodied people do not know how lucky they are at times. It can be really and truely frustrating to see. They do not have to worry about, "is this the day that I will not be able to walk a as far as I can" or "Is this the day that I will start having falls again?" They just get to go up and do what ever the hell they want. Abled bodied people then say "oh I cant imagine". The answer when I hear this is "no you bloody cant". I am not saying that it is a then and us situation however, I think it is important to say that you really do not know what we go through. Because you hopefully will never have to go through what we go through it does not mean you can sympathise with us either, and it is insulting to say that you do. What makes it even worse is when abled bodied people then pass judgement on you because you are not abled bodied. This happens a lot more than you think. I am not saying every abled bodied person behaves like th

Should we troll the trolls?

COVID-19 Trolls are terrible. I have seen some seriously nasty people out there during this pandemic. People who want to judge you for doing what is right for you. It is something that really winds me up. This has started to happen to me on my Thank You twitter account and it really REALLY pisses me off People do not know what I have been through during this pandemic and how I got through having COVID. How dare people judge me for getting tested or for anything else that I want to do for my family. I honestly feel like creating a blast list of all trolls so that everyone on Twitter knows who the trolls are. What do you think, maybe we start trolling the trolls? If you agree to a Blast list for the trolls, let me know. Stay safe and well out there!

Physical Disability - The Truth

Today I am going to write about being physically disabled. Unfortunately, you can’t see my physical disability. It is, however, something that really affects me. I have Kyphosis of the cervical spine, an extra disc in my lumbar spine, and degeneration of the facet joints. I also have hypermobility in my knees and ankles. This causes me a lot of pain on a daily basis. I have crutches for when my knees and ankles are hurting too much. Since having COVID last year I have been dealing with a lot of pain in my knees and ankles again. Unless you see me on crutches you don’t get to see that I have a disability. Because of my spine, I have to carry a stool with me everywhere I go. This is so that I can sit down when I get too much pain. This can be something embarrassing as if it is raining, I need to put it into a different bag as I can't carry it on my shoulder. It can get me some weird looks when I have to put my stool up in a shop or outside the shop. It is really difficult for me

Only in the darkness can you see the stars

I am not responsible for the title of this post. This is a quote from Martin Luther King Junior.   I was at the Works today and found a notebook with this quote on and it made me think about the last year and a half. Honestly, we have been in the darkness a lot. This pandemic in one way or another has thrown everyone into the darkness.   We have people who have been hit with financial issues, like me. Other people have lost loved ones or have lost their jobs. Some people have been affected by COVID long term and others have been locked in their homes for extended periods.   I know I have been struggling mentally. I have had to shield myself because I find the government guidance around asthmatics wrong. I have been on my own and at times it has been really tough to handle. Some of the things which has seen me through however are; thinking about my nana. She was born and raised during WW2. She had bombs dropping on her, I can survive this; I have also had charities helping m

Sick of getting sick

I am so sick of getting sick. Since I had COVID19 last year I am more prone to getting sick. Since I had COVID I have had 8 courses of Anti-biotics and 8 courses of steroids. My asthma inhalers have increased from being on Ventolin as and when needed, to being on Montelukast and Fostair. Every time I get a cough the first things that the GPs ask/say “Have you gone outside?” and “you need to get a COVID test to rule it out”. If you haven’t had a chance to have a COVID test, they are not pleasant. You have to take a swab and stick it at the back of your throat and spin it 10 times. This can make you gag and if you are already unwell that can cause problems. You then take the same swab and stick it up your nose until you reach resistance. Once you have done that you spin the swab yet again. This is not pleasant and to be honest, can lead to excessive sneezing. At least it is not the other way round. I would definitely flat out refuse to stick a swab up my nose and then put it in my mo

For my birthday this year

 I am going to have my 2 nd pandemic birthday on July 7 th , 2021. I will be turning 35. I have not had the best year and I can honestly say that I wish I had some goodness happening in my life. So, here is my wish list for my birthday. To win the life-changing amounts on the lottery so I can clear my debts and buy my own home, so I am not renting anymore. I want a new bed, that is suitable for people with disabilities and not broken like the one that I am currently sleeping on. I want an air conditioner so that I do not have to avoid my living room during the summer. A new chest of drawers to replace my broken ones. New grabbers. Some walking aids. 2-year subscription for a fall service so I have protection when I fall. Stockpile long life food to reduce my food bill for a while. UK International stamps to continue my volunteering with Soldiers Angels. Birthday message or skype call from one or more of the following celebrities; James Morrison; Joel de la Fuente; Kristen Cloke La

How do you know if someone is Flirting?

 I am needing help from the Neuro Diverse community. I have autism. I am not very good at reading people or even reading my own behavior. Usually, it doesn’t matter because my work colleagues know this so if I start feeling confused, they help me out. Unfortunately, my colleagues were not with me when I went to the store today. I went to the store and had one of those “sales” people to help me change my energy provider. Now the confusing bit is, I don’t know if the guy was flirting with me. Even more so, I am not even sure if I was flirting. How can you tell if someone is flirting with you? I really don’t know. I need help identifying this. Please, if anyone in the Neuro-diverse community can help me or Neuro-Typical people help me understand this. ALL HELP APPRECIATED!!!

Havent blogged for a while

 So I haven't written a blog post for a while. I have been struggling but I started this blog originally so that I could share how I am feeling. So, here it goes. Relationships: I had some unsolicited advice about relationships recently. I was told, because of the way I look and that I am disabled that I should just settle for the first guy that shows interest in me. Honestly, that is something that really hurt. It's like that episode of Friends where Ross made a list about Rachel and what he likes and doesn't like about her. Rachel finds the list and says something about the things that make you insecure about yourself is something someone made a list about. That's how I felt. I didn't ask to be born autistic with asthma and dyslexia. I did not ask to develop mental health problems or spinal problems. Yet, all these things, including the weight I gained because of my disabilities and meds are what people judge me on whether I would be good girlfriend material. I do

Loss

This year has been a wild ride when it comes to loss. It has been seriously crazy with the pandemic and people have lost a lot this last year. Even worse people are not getting a chance to say goodbye. Loss is something that is hard to deal with. I have lost a lot. When I worked for the NAAFI, I lost 6 people I knew in the line of duty within a small space of time. That same year I lost my grandfather who had dementia. By this point, I had been diagnosed as having depression. I now can’t attend funerals because I have massive panic attacks. A few years later I then lost my cousin who was killed in a car accident. Honestly, loss is something that we all will experience, at some point in our lives. Unfortunately, during this pandemic people are not able to say goodbye to their loved ones. Try and remember the good times. This is something that I found helped me. Remember you will never forget them you will always have them in your heart. Remind yourself that pain is something that

Women and Gender Fluid people born women

In light of the Sarah Everard murder, I think it is important to talk about safety for women and Gender Fluid people born women.  Being a woman can be a scary thing. You are always worried about what happens when you are out on your own. It is something that we always have to be concerned about. It has also something that you worry about especially when you see news where a police officer committed the crime like in the Sarah Everard murder. So, here are some things that can help with safety. Don’t walk down dark alleys alone if you can avoid it. If you can’t avoid it, be on the phone with someone else whilst you are walking there. Take some self-defense classes so that if you walk alone then you can protect yourself. Remember, if someone holds a weapon to you, following their instructions, it could be safer than fighting. It can mean the difference between Rape and being murdered. If you can safely get away from an attacker, then do so. If you live in a ground floor property or a

Celebrity Crushes and Supporting Each Other

I would like to say to every woman out there, stop hating on other women for the men they fall for. Also do not tell another woman that their celebrity crush is “not good”. Women can be very judgemental of who others like. Even when it comes down to celebrity crushes. I can’t believe how many people, when I was growing up, judged me on which celebrities I had a crush on. Honestly, it was disheartening. I know that Robert Davi, will never be in love with me or that Tom Selleck will knock on my door with a flower in his mouth. Billy Burke is not going to come and serenade me. Matt Hardy is not coming to sweep me off my feet. Shemar Moore is not going to get down on one knee for me. I know this but having crushes and fancying someone does not have to be realistic. It is something that we can all have, a dream. We need to celebrate our own dreams and value the fact that people have different tastes. Respect each other. Stay safe out there people.

Anti Lockdown Protests - Morons Incorporated

I am getting exceedingly sick and tired of the Anti Lockdown protests.  Honestly, how can these people think what they are doing is going to help? I believe in free speech and, I believe in the right to protest, but in the midst of a pandemic, responsibility is called for. In the midst of a pandemic where thousands of people have lost their lives, and many people have had to face isolation for months on end, reasonableness should not be sacrificed. You may not like lockdowns, but who are you to put lives on the line? The pictures I saw of people who were not socially distancing, not wearing a mask, and being downright moronic scares me. I have had to shield off my own back since March 2020 which has been difficult as I have had no support from the government. I have sacrificed seeing my family and my friends for the greater good. You morons in the Anti-Lockdown movement jeopardize all of the sacrifices myself, and people like me have made over the last year.  How dare you! You wa

Response to the Vulgarity I received

I was planning on doing a post about the anti-lockdown protests, or as I call it the collection of anti-lockdown morons. However, I looked in my DMs on my thank you campaign Twitter account and saw a lot of vulgar aimed at me for supporting the police. This is a reaction to Sarah Everard’s body being found and a police officer arrested for her murder. So, again I will say, I support the MAJORITY of the police. By that I mean, the 99% that join the force to make a difference, who do not let their personal ideology get in the way of the duty they have or the responsibility. No police force is perfect. They have the 1% who do abuse their authority, or are morons who let their moronic nature interfere with doing the job. Now you will say, “what happened at the vigil was wrong”. NO SHIT SHERLOCK! However, let me ask you the question, You are a police officer, you are asked to attend and do security at the vigil of a murder victim who was killed by an officer on your force. Would you

Love of an Animal

I wanted to write today about the love you can get from animals. At the start of the pandemic, I was alone. I had no one. I was here on my own, shielding off my own back because my medical professionals would not see the truth. Before the 2 nd lockdown, I got my two guinea pigs. I have two girls called Chocolate and Bright-Eyes. They show me love all the time. All they ask for from me is food and hugs and I get all the love I need. They are the reason why I have been able to survive so long with my sanity. Animals are important in your life. If you have a pet, they give you unconditional love and make your world so much nicer. Chocolate and Bright-Eyes make an amazing squeaking noise when I goto the fridge. They are then waiting for me at the edge of their cage excited to get hugs and food. It makes me smile every time. If you are low and have the capability get yourself a pet. I would say only get one if you can afford it. Don’t put yourself at risk financially.

Beauty and the Beast

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  No this is not a post about the Disney movies or the cartoon. I want to talk about beauty and the beast. Women, no matter their look always feel like they’re the “beast”. That is if they are not the “bombshell beauty” that society says is the best. Me – at best I consider myself average. I am no Amanda Tapping! I also know that there is this view that all women want the male “bombshell beauties”. Not the case. Well, not the case for me. For me what is attractive is variable. If you stuck all my ex’s in a line you would find it hard to pick out the common denominator amongst them, except that they're all men. Don’t take my word for it, see the picture below. I have pulled together pictures of various different celebrities that I have had a crush on and fancied in my lifetime. I would ask that you find 5 things that link them other than the fact that they’re men and celebrities. You need to find 5 things that link them ALL.   Did you find anything that linked them all?

Writing through Writers Block and Ginny and Georgia

Writer’s block is a bitch. Honestly, writing a blog whilst shielding is difficult. Most of the things you get inspiration from comes from everyday life. But what do you do when everyday life is the same 4 walls? You get writer’s block. With that being said, I watched the second half of Ginny and Georgia today and I am amazed. TV writers have moved away from candy floss TV and come up with Ginny and Georgia. Do not get me wrong, there are some candy floss moments for example the Character Hunter writing a song about Ginny, or doing an elaborate tap routine on her 16 th birthday down the halls of school… Not real life! Especially not realistic if you have multiple disabilities and look the way I do. There are no men tap dancing for me or writing songs about me. You may think by that paragraph that I don’t like the show… Oh, contraire my friend. Georgia is a single mother who has survived a lot in life, Max a lesbian high schooler, Marcus troubled teen having sex with Ginny, MANG h

End Run

Here in the UK, we are starting to see an ending to this pandemic hopefully. However, it is not a moment to get complacent. Just because we are seeing a possible end in sight to this pandemic it does not mean we “go back to normal”. It means the opposite. We do not know what will happen with this virus. All we know that it currently is able to be dealt with by the vaccine. Viruses however mutate and what works currently does not mean it will continue. We also do not know what will happen come wintertime. Keep safe and look after each other. When everyone is vaccinated we can hopefully keep out of lockdown, however, if you go nuts then there could be surges and we end up back inside. This is the time that we work together.

PIP Breaches Human Rights

I recently completed a course in Equality and Diversity and part of that course gives the student a major insight into the Human Rights Act.   Since completing the course I have realized the PIP Benefit breaches my Human Rights! So, I want to say, the MUST be a disability benefit that is not means-tested. The reason for this is that it entices disabled people to work. Most people with disabilities must make a decision about what will work for them, working, or being on benefits. The reason for this is that when a disabled person works, from my own experience 50%-60% of the disposable income from the salary goes to doing things to keep them in work. Therefore, their ability to do basic things like getting new glasses, getting a haircut, buying new clothes becomes more an occasional extra rather than something that they can do on a regular basis. This is why a non-means-tested disability benefit is important. It would help reduce unemployment in the country and bring more money in ta

Learning through annoyance

There is fun to be had with your disabilities. I recently had fun with a colleague who did not know what Dragon software was. This is something that has been around for a long while so to not know what it was is to me, ridiculous. I had said to her “I have dragon, to help me work”. The look of confusion on her face was amazing. I could see the cogs in her brain turning. She said to me “you have a dragon?” I looked at her in sheer surprise. For one thing I had not said that I had a dragon, I had said I have dragon. My response to this question was not to say, no it is speech-to-text software. That would have been the kind thing to do. My response was “Yes, I have a dragon, his name is Bob” and then I walked off. It is not something that I should be proud of but I am. Having disabilities is hard enough when people are not fully listening. I know it was a minor error on my colleagues’ part, but it is something that is frustrating. When I must think about everything I say and, seco

Dear Dhar Mann

Before I went to bed tonight, I was watching some of your videos. Because of this, I knew I had to write this. When something gets into my head, I can’t do anything else until I get it out. I know you will probably never read this and even if you do, you probably get 1,000,000 or more letters like this, so a response is negligible. So, I am under no illusion that I will get a response which is also why I am writing it on my blog. For me, your videos have been a lifesaver. To use your words “you see”. I grew up in a family where abuse ran wild. Some people call how I feel “Middle Child Syndrome”, I call it surviving abuse. My family’s mantra was “don’t trust what she says” or “what can we blame her for”. So, I didn’t have the best family life, and still don’t. Between the abuse I suffered and the undiagnosed autism I found myself in situations as an adult that I was ill-equipped to handle. This further put a wrench in any relationship with my family. I was told in my late 20s my

Are we going back to normality?

I know there is much talk about when we can go back to normal now that Boris has set out his road map. I am going to say that I will be cautiously optimistic about this. We had false hope at the end of the 1 st lockdown and we were again landed into the 2 nd lockdown. So, I am going to say I am cautiously optimistic. However, let's talk about the reality for those who are shielding and going back to “normality”. I have been shielding now since March 2020, and I have sustained muscle weakness. This rears its ugly head when I am trying to push myself to do extra steps the next day I am sore as hell. This would be 4000 steps and I hurt like hell. I am also autistic. I have been alone since March 2020 and I am uber concerned about my interactions back in the workplace. Honestly, I want to make sure that I am ok enough not to be running around hugging everyone. So for me, I am going to have to take the following steps that I will need to take to make sure that I am ok with being i

Shielding is HARD

Shielding is really hard. It is really hard especially when you are living alone. At the start of the pandemic, I felt like “I will power through this”. Honestly now, I am considering teaching my guinea pigs Italian so that they respond to commands in Italian. I had to stop learning Italian because I realized that my talking to myself had evolved from speaking to myself in English to speaking to myself in Italian. It is also hard when you are having to shield off your own back and have no support from the government as their ideas on asthmatics is flawed. The physical implications to shielding as well have not been good. I now struggle with muscle weakness which means I am having to go to physio bi-weekly… SOOOO MUCH FUNNNN. If you are struggling with shielding and living alone I would ask that you all remember that it is ok not to be ok. I will repeat that, IT'S OK NOT TO BE OK! Seek help if you need it and please remember you will be ok. Stay safe and well out there,

Drawbacks to Meltdowns

Last night, I had a meltdown over the Pupinia Stewart Videos. I do not want to go into that disgrace for a human being again, but the meltdown was bad. One downside to meltdowns as an adult is that they are physically draining. As a child or younger years, you can recover really quickly but the older you get the harder it gets to get over them. They have a physical impact on your body because you are expelling so much energy your body takes the brunt of it. People say that it is hard to watch a meltdown. I can assure you that it is harder for people who are having the meltdown. So, today, I am feeling very drained. I feel very sleepy and don’t really want to do anything. This is not fun especially as yesterday I had a lot of energy. I hate that I have meltdowns. I REALLY HATE MELTDOWNS! My key ask to all neurotypical people out there that do not know someone with autism, please do not tell an autistic person that “It’s harder for me to watch you having a meltdown.” I can guar

Pupinia Stewart - Disgrace in a Pretty Face

Dear World,   If you watch Pupinia Stewart, please stop watching her. I am angry about her “I am acting” video where she mentions autism. I am autistic and autism is not a disease. By calling autism a disease you make it seem like it is something that needs to be cured. Whilst some people who are less functioning would probably wish they had a better ability to communicate etc some people on the other end of the spectrum don’t want a “cure” for autism. Me personally I love the highs and lows of my autism. Whilst I get really frustrated at my ultra-literalness, or the fact that my dyslexia and autism is a daily struggle in whether I am chaotic or logical, being subjected to meltdowns and hyper emotions. I do get frustrated and I am seriously not going to sit here and say I love those elements. But I love the way I think, I love the fact that people don’t see things the way I do, I love that I get really passionate about things and I am happy. Pupinia if you are autistic then you

What will the new normal be?

Now we have had a pandemic the question I have to ask what will the new normal be? My normal for the last year has been anything that is confined in my flat. I have not seen much of the outside world. When this pandemic is over everything is going to change and I think it is going to change quickly. I do not want to see the world getting into a scary place where everyone is wearing face masks after the pandemic. Will kids be more scared to interact together? Will adults refrain from physical contact? What I would like to see personally would-be offices be less focused on location of work. I think it is hilarious that in 2020 we were still being forced to work in a building when we do not have to. I would like to see more kindness in the world and that the kindness that we have seen over the last year continues. I know for me, my new normal will include going outside at least once a day even walking up and down my street a couple of times. I will locate somewhere that I can work at leas

Autism Literalness

Autism is a funny thing. We can be very literal in what we do and in how we communicate. I have been doing an online course that I found during the second lockdown in the UK. I was starting to go out of my mind, so I had to find something to keep me from going insane. However, this course has caused me to have flashbacks to school and literalness issues. Being undiagnosed autistic, I had many many issues with teachers. They would say “answer this question” so I would answer the question and get yelled at for not showing my work. My answer to this would always be “you didn’t ask me to show my working, you just asked me to answer the question”. The number of times that I got detention for this argument is unbelievable. However, now as an adult and knowing that I am autistic, I take this in a different way. Some of the feedback on the assessments I had was “This is a good start, could you please expand on your answer”. I answered the question, but they needed more explanation. Now,

Autism Mind Blow

 A couple of days ago I wrote a blog post, which was two parts, thanking celebrities for their roles in my life. Being diagnosed as autistic at the age of 31 is hard. I didn’t get the support that other people with autism get and coming from a low-income family and no friends the only thing I had going in my life was television. Books were not my friend as I was also undiagnosed dyslexic and struggled with reading dramatically. I learned from television so, what you would consider well-known concepts I had to learn from television. Therefore, I decided to write the post because I really do not think celebrities know how much they can impact someone like myself. Even today I watch shows and learn from them, whilst I do have friends now, television has become a big part of my life.   So, as an adult, the thing that I am learning from shows is acceptance of who I am. So, when I posted the first blog, I tagged the celebrities I mentioned in it on Twitter. I was not expecting any form

Legal Representation is a Necessity

Whether you like or dislike Judge Judy you can not deny that she makes a hell of a lot of sense. I just watched an episode where a woman was suing her ex-husband for ½ the cost of her son’s legal fees because he got into legal trouble. Judge Judy said to the father that he was responsible for ½ the cost for the following reasons: If a child support order is put in place and you pay X amount of dollars for necessaries that is good. When child support is fixed it is not fixed with the view that the child will get into trouble. Legal representation is necessary.  If the parents can pay for legal representation, then they should pay for the lawyer. If the parents can not afford to pay for a lawyer, then they can have a “free” lawyer. The lawyer is free to the parents but, they are paid via taxpayer money. The parting words to the parents were to make the kid get a job and pay them back. Thankfully the mum said that she had already done this. This was music to my ears. In the UK we ha

Gender Inequalities in Law

************************************* WARNING   This post is going to cover issues relating to the topic of rape. If you have been a victim of rape this post could potentially trigger you. If this could be the case, please do not read this particular post. ************************************** After witnessing an argument on social media about this topic I felt compelled to write this post. To any right-wing feminists who do not agree I don't care. Gender Inequality is not a uniquely women problem so if you have an issue with this post - deal with it. I know there are many feminists out there who claim that the world is not fair and equal for women. It is true there are many things where the gender divide is an issue. There is one particular issue however that is unequal down the gender lines and that is the issue of rape. Whilst yes, there are many inequalities in this topic for women, you can not hide the fact there are inequalities against men as well. So, what is