Survival Instinct

I regularly get asked why I consider myself in my own version of Witness Protection. Well the truth is that I am a survivor of abuse. 

My ex who was on again off again over several years was abusive. Not physically but mentally, emotionally and sometimes financially at times. He would promise me things and then last minute ghost me. He proposed to me, then ghosted me and dumped me. He cheated on me regularly and used me as a way to cheat on other people he was seeing with me.

He also kind of stalked me a little bit. Because of his job and mine I was afraid of him dropping into my work place.

So, when I moved home, I made sure I scrubbed my social media account, I  do not post where I live anywhere. There are no go area's for me to work or live. I have cut ties with everyone who could connect my ex to where I live. So, I am in my own version of witness protection. If I had money, I would make it more serious hiding I would change my name, I would get the most high tech IT so that I could really stay hidden online, I would buy my ideal home (or build it) with state of the art security to make sure that I would always have evidence if I was ever found by this ex again. Alas short of winning the lottery this will not happen.  Well winning the lottery or a random act of kindness that would give me the money I needed to truly feel safe but again, this is unlikely to ever happen.

I know I am using the term hiding and it really is. But, I am a survivor. I will continue to hide myself away probably for the rest of my days but it is what I need to survive. If this ex comes back into my life ever again the mental damage it would cause me is unthinkable. One time he brought me to the point I wanted to die because of him. So, I know that I will have to hide from him for ever but hiding is also a sense of strength because I am keeping myself sane. I am also, protecting my heart. I do not think I could bounce back from another relationship like him so I stay single. I guess this is a way that abuse survivors survive. It is that survival instinct that tells up enough is enough and we need to get free. 

Survival instinct is not to be laughed at and even the effort of hiding is part of the survival instinct. You should not be ashamed of hiding. You should feel strength from it because in doing so you are keeping yourself safe.

If I was ever fortunate enough to raise the money I need to keep myself safe then I would pay it forward. I would use my home as a stepping stone to help other abuse victims, male and female to get safe again. I would be able to help them take themselves out of their toxic situation and protect themselves as I have done.

Surviving abuse is possible but takes work to keep surviving. Keep up the fight ladies and gentlemen.


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