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Showing posts from October, 2020

Just STOP IT!

 Dear England, I am seriously getting frustrated with you. I am verging on being officially a shielder again and seeing that Boris is looking at a 2nd lockdown I am just fed up. I am not fed up with protecting myself, I am not fed up with working from home. I am fed up with the Bull Shit that has been going on. Leadership in this pandemic Let's start with the biggest thing I am annoyed with. Dominic Cummings broke lockdown restrictions during the first lockdown. He and his wife tested positive and drove from London to Durham with their kids. COVID can come up really suddenly so they could have caused an accident and with the fact that this virus can be spread in the air, they could have infected many people. I can't imagine that they drove without making a pit stop for the child for food, toilet, or gas. He then went onto say "I had problems with my eyesight so I took my wife and child for a drive to Barnard Castle". Now if that is the case then he is a neglectful fat

The hardest thing

The hardest thing for people in shielding is the loneliness and feeling like a second class citizen. There are so many people out there who think that people who are high risk should stay indoors and stay away from the public so that everyone else can get back to normal. This is the worst thing to see in the street, online and in the media. I work, I pay taxes and I volunteer so why should I basically be in prison because people don't want to do things like wear a face mask. I have committed no crime, I have have broken no law and yet people expect me to stay indoors 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I am not a second class citizen. How about this, if people really think this is the way to go, build the clinically vulnerable and the extremely clinically vulnerable housing ( a gated community where everyone has a garden) and all shielders move there. Gas, Electric, Council tax and internet gets paid by the government and supermarkets create a system where deliveries in the morning go to

Survival Instinct

I regularly get asked why I consider myself in my own version of Witness Protection. Well the truth is that I am a survivor of abuse.  My ex who was on again off again over several years was abusive. Not physically but mentally, emotionally and sometimes financially at times. He would promise me things and then last minute ghost me. He proposed to me, then ghosted me and dumped me. He cheated on me regularly and used me as a way to cheat on other people he was seeing with me. He also kind of stalked me a little bit. Because of his job and mine I was afraid of him dropping into my work place. So, when I moved home, I made sure I scrubbed my social media account, I  do not post where I live anywhere. There are no go area's for me to work or live. I have cut ties with everyone who could connect my ex to where I live. So, I am in my own version of witness protection. If I had money, I would make it more serious hiding I would change my name, I would get the most high tech IT so that I

What does "So you see" mean to me

Dhar Man has come out with merchandise with the slogan "So You See" out which is amazing. If you do not know "so you see" is used a lot in his videos to explain the situation that comes about. It usually has a positive ending to the message after a trial or tribulation. For his launch he was asking "What does So You See mean to you". For me, So You See, means a lot to me. I can use it to explain a lot of myself. I was diagnosed with many conditions which has led me to struggle through my life. Some of this comes from being born in the wrong decade where medical conditions that I had were not attributed to females.  I have to deal with two mental health conditions and physical disabilities. I deal with autism and dyslexia and asthma. I really struggle a lot in my life. I struggle with work, personal life and many more. My self image is completely shot most of the time wondering "when will my Vin come into my life".  But I would not change any of t

Shielding Support

This COVID-19 Pandemic has been hard.  It has been doubly hard on those who have to shield and reduce their movement outside. When you have to restrict yourself to the home it can have a dramatic effect on your well-being and mobility. Your mental well-being is affected too. When you are alone and unable to have contact with the outside world it is hard. No one will really know how hard it is until they have had to go through it. Being autistic it was hard to change my routine at the drop of a hat to fit in with shielding but I had to. I had COVID symptoms really badly and I was told to shield. SO I did.  This time round I want to rally the shielders and the activity restricters. We need to come together to support each other when we have to go back inside. I have started a Facebook group. The group is here  Support Group . This group is for those who have to stay inside during this lock down whether it is as a shielder or as to restrict your activities outside then join the group and

Autism & Change - Again!

I am a big advocator for change. I know that sounds mad being autistic but I like to push myself. I am more used to changes when I have made the change myself. When, however, someone makes the change for me, all bets are off. I am currently awake at 22:39 because the change in my flat is Chocolate and Bright Eyes. They are my 8-week old guinea pigs. What I did not imagine is the changes in the noises in the flat. I seem to be sleeping very light and they are doing things in the dark. This is causing noises that I am not used to. I can't explain to them that they need to behave and that I need to get used to them just as much as they need to get used to me.  I can see there is going to be an adjustment period.  I really believe that autistic children and adults should have their own pets. Pets are something that can give a person with autism some stability that they are crying out for. It is so important that we have something that is our comfort when we are struggling and that is w

What is PTSD?

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Many people ask me, "you did not serve in the forces how do you have PTSD?" The answer is simple. PTSD is not just a soldiers mental health problem. It can affect anyone who has witnessed or been part of a trauma.  So what is PTSD at its heart? To answer that you have to know how the brain works. Imagine this is your brain (the box in the middle) is a factory. Normal memories go into the factory, get processed and come out the other end and filed away. Your factory process it and it goes from being in the now and filed into the past. This is key in how PTSD happens. However, when you have a traumatic memory it looks more like this. Because of the trauma in the memory, it cant all fit through the factory door. This means, no matter how many times the factory tries to process it and when it cant it spits it back out. This is why when you have a triggering event it still feels like it is in the now. It makes you feel like it is happening all over again. The treatment that I have

I am Whole

I am whole! In August my land lady gave me permission to have caged pets. Today I finally brought me my guinea pigs. My first one is a beautiful shade of brown. She has a dark brown body with a light brown face. I looked at her and was like, she is mine. I knew when I saw her that she was my baby. I have seen that she is the nervous one. She is also the curious one. My second one is a mousy gray colour. She also has bright red eyes. So, for me her name was easy, she is Bright Eyes. She is very brave. I am looking forward to seeing them grow up and grow into their own. I am whole, I have my fur babies.

Personal Responsibility

I have been told I am heartless and that I am only calling for personal responsibility because Donald J Trump supposidly had COVID-19 and that I apparently hate him. This is not true. I have been calling for people to take responsibility for their actions with respect of COVID19 since I had symptoms back in March April Time. So for point one, I do not hate Donald J Trump. In fact at the beginning I believed that whilst some of his wording was ridiculous but I thought he had the making of some decent policies. Unfortunately the longer his presidency went on, I saw him for what he was a racists. I do not hate him though. In a free country we are free to believe in anything that we want to believe in. However, those who live and work in the public light should hide thei worse traits and not allow them to impact their work. I do not hate him. I do not even dislike him. I do not feel anything for the man except for maybe pity. In terms

Amazon, for shielders

I wanted to share with you a tip I learned through the last round of shielding. Amazon.co.uk has been something of a life saver to me. As someone who deals with Autism and living alone for the first time I decided certain things I would bulk buy. These things are; Toilet Paper; Washing up liquid; Washing tablets for the washing machine; I decided to do this because it works out cheaper and it can last you a long period of time. We then fell into the pandemic. I had to shield. Amazon has been a god send for me. Being able to bulk buy cheaper then going to the store has been a life saver. I know that if I am unable to goto the shop I will still have my essentials. For anyone who has to shield for any lockdown, look at the Amazon for your country and see what deals you have available to you. It can be a life saver. Before I lea

Support Each Other

We are still in a wave of this pandemic where the numbers can surge at any moment. When you let yourself relax on social distancing and facemasks, the numbers increase. So, what exactly is important? What is important is that we do not loose our Humanity. It is easy to say, "Oh no, there is a pandemic and I will clear the shelves and take care of me" but what about those who still have to attend their work places. Those who can not be furloughed but, because you have taken all the food they can not eat. During this pandemic we need to SUPPORT EACH OTHER! and I can not stress that enough. Here are some steps that you can do to support people around you during this crisis: Stick to your normal shopping habits. DO NOT PANIC SHOP! If you have the space, bulk buy from places like Amazon or Costco. Aside from the fact this will be cheaper for you, it leaves essential supplies for those