What do I bring to the table.
I just watched a Dhar Mann Video today that has really made me think, especially in the light of a recent event that happened to me. The video was about a husband and a wife. The husband was really angry that his wife only made him a cake for his birthday and listed all the financial resources he put into everything including rent, food, electricity, and cleaning supplies. The wife, obviously upset lists everything she does and it makes him realize that whilst he does contribute financially his wife's contributions are equally as important.
Recently I had a message from someone who asked me to drop everything and come to London to attend a party they were throwing and I said no. I explained that as someone who was shielding I have to be really careful what I choose to do outside of the flat, and I could not justify that risk. The message I got back was that I am never there for them and they do everything.
I decided to block this person after they chose to block me as well. But in the style of this video, I will tell you what I bring to a friendship.
1) I am always honest, even to a fault, and will pull you up when you're being silly;
2) When your boyfriend/girlfriend does something to upset you I will be a shoulder to cry on and be on your side.
3) When you are feeling down, I will be the silly voice at the end of the phone making you laugh
4) I will always call to check up on you especially when I am worried until I speak to you and know you are alright
5) I will help you if you are unlucky to land in an abusive relationship including helping you take the steps you need to stay safe
6) I will never judge you even when you choose not to follow the advice you asked for and I will be there for you every time you need someone to pick you up.
7) If you ever need a lend of something if I have it to spare I will lend it to you and you only have to return it when you can.
All of this I do out of love. However, I have health issues, I have autism, I have to work and pay my bills. If you are asking me to do something that I just can't do for my own safety then all I ask is that you accept that and understand.
People who claim to be your friend or in any relationship be it boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, wife/wife, husband/husband, brother/sister, brother/brother, sister/sister who are only out for what you can give them it is not worth the hassle. If they can't or won't be there any put the same level of commitment into the relationship then it is not worth it. They will only use you and when you are of no more use to them they will cut you out.
If you find yourself in one of those relationships, when you are the only one putting the effort in you have to decide whether they are worth your time. If it helps make a list of everything you have done for them and what they have done for you. If your list is ridiculously long and theirs ridiculously short then cut them out of your life. They are not worthy of your amazing shine or your amazing heart.
Know that you are worth more than this.
A Dhar Mann saying that really sticks with me is this: "Don't let people celebrate with you at your best if they don't believe in you at your worst". There is another one about if someone isn't around for the bad times, don't let them be there for the success. Both basically the same thing. Those friends, family, or relationships that do not lift you up when you are in a bad place or struggling with tough times should not be allowed back in when things are going great.