Stalking

When you are being stalked it is not fun. Most people believe in the media hype that it is someone who you do not know or someone you barely know and it can get dangerous from there. This is not always the case. You can be stalked by someone you know and someone you care about. The damage does not always have to be physical it can be psychological as well.

I have an ex boyfriend. We had a weird relationship where it would start and stop any time he wanted. I never had a say in it, not really. We would break up and he would turn on the charm 6 months to a year down the line and I would fall for it every time. I thought it was love but it wasnt. It was dependancy on him. He made me think that he is the only person who would truely love me. It hurt like hell every time we broke up. This ladies and gents is also a form of abuse.

The most recent time he came back in my life when I was with someone. It started off innocently enough. We were talking about things that had nothing to do with a relationship. This time round though was different. He started calling me every day. I tried to tell him not to call every day but he didnt get the message. Then he ruined my favourite Blake Shelton song for me because he linked it to mine and his relationship. He would text me the lyrics almost every other day. I cant now listen to that song without some level of anxiety. It got to the point where I told him to leave me alone and be faithful to his girlfirend. I blocked him on messenger. So he started finding other ways to message me. I changed my phone number so he no longer had my number when my contract came up for renewal and I had blocked him on facebook. I thought that would be the end of it.

Around October 2018 me and my long term boyfriend broke up and I updated my facebook status to say single. I dont know how it happened but my ex became unblocked again. He found me and the fact that I was single and tried once again to get back into my life. I blocked him again and changed my facebook to have him blocked from the start. Again, I thought it was done with.

Around about April 2019 I heard from some of my friends who were his friends that he had been asking about me. I could not verify this because the people who told me, whilst being friends, were not reliable. Later that month I started getting follow and friend requests on other social media applications. I deleted all of those accounts and finally made a police report.

I did not ask the police to action the report but they advised me that if, I made another report it would be out of my hands and they would action it. I hold the crime reference number religiously so that if my ex ever contacts me again or finds me I can tell him that there is an initial report made in 2019. I can tell him that I asked them not to do anything but, if he comes near me again I will go back to the police and ask them to interceed.

You may be thinking what a stupid girl I am. I should of let the police run with it. But the truth is my ex has a family. His kids did not need to see their dad get dragged through the mud and his actual girlfriend does not need to know what he has done or said. I am protecting myself and them from the shame.

What my ex did to me was stalking plain and simple. Being autistic it has taken me a long time to figure some things out. Kind of wish I had got my diagnosis a lot earlier to make it simpler for me to learn this stuff but that is a story for another day. The effect of being a stalking victim has had a serious impact on me. I moved home because he may of come back to London. I not only moved home but I moved out of the city I have known my whole life, just to be safe. I do not put where I live on social media. If I do, I dont use specific areas. I say I live in the SE instead of an exact location. I dont have my profile picture up on social media in the hopes that he will not find my account again and I have set it so that only people who know me and are on my friends list can message me. My time line is also blocked from people who are not directly connected with me. I have had to cut good people out of my life because he could find me through them. I even had to mark certain area's in the UK as no go's for working in incase I could run into him or someone who knows him runs into me.

I am now safe from him but I have to always be vigilant about what I do, say or post online. I became single again back in 2018 and have stayed that way ever since. I do not want to be stalked ever again. Please if you are being stalked I ask you to seek help and advice on staying safe. Speak to the police about what they can do and what they need from you to help keep you safe. Always have a plan in your back pocket. I have my own personal escape plan. It helps keep me sane.

Stalking is not a joke and it is not always what you see on tv. Please be safe everyone who is being stalked and remember you are not alone! Your stalker wants to make you think that you are so that you will be soley reliant on them but you are not!

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