Why cant I go first some time

Why cant I go first?

I know this is a selfish thing to ask but I put everyone else first ALL THE TIME! Why can't I come first, just once. Why is it always me making the sacrifice?

If I could I would run away from the people who cause me so much stress and pain. Change my name, move and make sure they could never find me again. I would give up everyone I know to get the hell away from them. But I cant. No one helps me, no one says "hey you know what this person needs help, im going to help her." People just take from me. I fear that one day they will take so much that there will be nothing left for me except a smoldering wreck.

Do you know what I pray for every night? I pray that one day, there will be £100,000 in my account. I would then move from where I live, speak to a solicitor about legally changing my name, close all accounts everywhere under my name and start fresh with a new identity so that the negative people in my life could not find me and I will be free. But that is not ever going to happen.

What I go through with these toxic people really does test your faith. It says in the bible that God will only ever give you as much as you can handle. Honestly, God asks too much from me at times. I honestly feel like I am about to break.


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