Motherhood - the dream that will allude me forever

I have always wanted to be a mother. I have always had a gift with kids and because of my childhood, I always wanted to give someone a life that would be better than mine. I always thought growing up that I would be able to have the love of my life and I would have kids and I would be a mother.

When my spine started going out of wack and I started having problems I still had hope that one day I would be a mum but then my finances went out of wack.

Now with my spine I know that I will not be able to have children of my own. The realism of this hurts but I thought of the positive things that I could do i.e foster mother or adopt. The problem is, the state my finances are in I cant even look after myself. I fear that I will become an old maid. I will never have children and I will never be able to feel financially safe. This is a horrible feeling that I will never be ok. When you get these feelings it breaks your heart. All I want is to be a mum and that will probably never happen for me.

Sometimes it hurts me so much that I want to cry. No matter what I do there will be this void in my life forever.  I will always be a mother without a child. If that is the way my life is meant to be then fine but it sucks!


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