Living with PTSD

I was diagnosed with PTSD earlier this year. My PTSD is from what I saw and heard during the Grenfell Tower fire. I lived near the tower, 20 minutes by foot 4 minutes by car.

I helped out in the aftermath of the fire and I suppressed many many feelings I had and it finally started manifested in ways t hat was troubling. I knew logically that PTSD was not just for soldiers coming back from war but the practical side of it was not something that I was aware of. When I finally got the diagnosed it was a relief but at the same time it was like "ah so this is what PTSD is".

It is not just something that is the same for everyone. It affects people differently. There are some people with the same symptoms but the main difference is the triggers. One of my triggers is sirens. When I hear a siren I start looking with lazer focus on where it going. I am getting less anxious but I am still getting lazer focussed. I am also triggered by smell. When I smell the smells I have to locate it. I have even leaned out of an open window to find the smell. It can get seriously crazy.

PTSD is hard to deal with and when you are having triggers and you know not when or where they will hit you have to take each day as it comes.

If you are struggling I would suggest that you reach for help when you are ready to. You can only tackle this mental health issue when you are ready. If you try dealing with it when you are not ready you can not guarentee that you will be able to handle the treatment. I have started my PTSD counselling and CBT therapy and it is sooo hard. It involves going into the memory to make sure that you identify the worst parts of it. Once you have identified the worst parts you have to start putting bits into the memory where its worst and update it. The whole process is hard, draining and unless you are 100% comitted to getting through you should not. There are worse things when it comes to 1/2 completed therapy.

For those at the start of your journey Good Luck and remember you are not alone.

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