Posts

Physical Disability - The Truth

Today I am going to write about being physically disabled. Unfortunately, you can’t see my physical disability. It is, however, something that really affects me. I have Kyphosis of the cervical spine, an extra disc in my lumbar spine, and degeneration of the facet joints. I also have hypermobility in my knees and ankles. This causes me a lot of pain on a daily basis. I have crutches for when my knees and ankles are hurting too much. Since having COVID last year I have been dealing with a lot of pain in my knees and ankles again. Unless you see me on crutches you don’t get to see that I have a disability. Because of my spine, I have to carry a stool with me everywhere I go. This is so that I can sit down when I get too much pain. This can be something embarrassing as if it is raining, I need to put it into a different bag as I can't carry it on my shoulder. It can get me some weird looks when I have to put my stool up in a shop or outside the shop. It is really difficult for me

Only in the darkness can you see the stars

I am not responsible for the title of this post. This is a quote from Martin Luther King Junior.   I was at the Works today and found a notebook with this quote on and it made me think about the last year and a half. Honestly, we have been in the darkness a lot. This pandemic in one way or another has thrown everyone into the darkness.   We have people who have been hit with financial issues, like me. Other people have lost loved ones or have lost their jobs. Some people have been affected by COVID long term and others have been locked in their homes for extended periods.   I know I have been struggling mentally. I have had to shield myself because I find the government guidance around asthmatics wrong. I have been on my own and at times it has been really tough to handle. Some of the things which has seen me through however are; thinking about my nana. She was born and raised during WW2. She had bombs dropping on her, I can survive this; I have also had charities helping m

Sick of getting sick

I am so sick of getting sick. Since I had COVID19 last year I am more prone to getting sick. Since I had COVID I have had 8 courses of Anti-biotics and 8 courses of steroids. My asthma inhalers have increased from being on Ventolin as and when needed, to being on Montelukast and Fostair. Every time I get a cough the first things that the GPs ask/say “Have you gone outside?” and “you need to get a COVID test to rule it out”. If you haven’t had a chance to have a COVID test, they are not pleasant. You have to take a swab and stick it at the back of your throat and spin it 10 times. This can make you gag and if you are already unwell that can cause problems. You then take the same swab and stick it up your nose until you reach resistance. Once you have done that you spin the swab yet again. This is not pleasant and to be honest, can lead to excessive sneezing. At least it is not the other way round. I would definitely flat out refuse to stick a swab up my nose and then put it in my mo

For my birthday this year

 I am going to have my 2 nd pandemic birthday on July 7 th , 2021. I will be turning 35. I have not had the best year and I can honestly say that I wish I had some goodness happening in my life. So, here is my wish list for my birthday. To win the life-changing amounts on the lottery so I can clear my debts and buy my own home, so I am not renting anymore. I want a new bed, that is suitable for people with disabilities and not broken like the one that I am currently sleeping on. I want an air conditioner so that I do not have to avoid my living room during the summer. A new chest of drawers to replace my broken ones. New grabbers. Some walking aids. 2-year subscription for a fall service so I have protection when I fall. Stockpile long life food to reduce my food bill for a while. UK International stamps to continue my volunteering with Soldiers Angels. Birthday message or skype call from one or more of the following celebrities; James Morrison; Joel de la Fuente; Kristen Cloke La

How do you know if someone is Flirting?

 I am needing help from the Neuro Diverse community. I have autism. I am not very good at reading people or even reading my own behavior. Usually, it doesn’t matter because my work colleagues know this so if I start feeling confused, they help me out. Unfortunately, my colleagues were not with me when I went to the store today. I went to the store and had one of those “sales” people to help me change my energy provider. Now the confusing bit is, I don’t know if the guy was flirting with me. Even more so, I am not even sure if I was flirting. How can you tell if someone is flirting with you? I really don’t know. I need help identifying this. Please, if anyone in the Neuro-diverse community can help me or Neuro-Typical people help me understand this. ALL HELP APPRECIATED!!!

Havent blogged for a while

 So I haven't written a blog post for a while. I have been struggling but I started this blog originally so that I could share how I am feeling. So, here it goes. Relationships: I had some unsolicited advice about relationships recently. I was told, because of the way I look and that I am disabled that I should just settle for the first guy that shows interest in me. Honestly, that is something that really hurt. It's like that episode of Friends where Ross made a list about Rachel and what he likes and doesn't like about her. Rachel finds the list and says something about the things that make you insecure about yourself is something someone made a list about. That's how I felt. I didn't ask to be born autistic with asthma and dyslexia. I did not ask to develop mental health problems or spinal problems. Yet, all these things, including the weight I gained because of my disabilities and meds are what people judge me on whether I would be good girlfriend material. I do

Loss

This year has been a wild ride when it comes to loss. It has been seriously crazy with the pandemic and people have lost a lot this last year. Even worse people are not getting a chance to say goodbye. Loss is something that is hard to deal with. I have lost a lot. When I worked for the NAAFI, I lost 6 people I knew in the line of duty within a small space of time. That same year I lost my grandfather who had dementia. By this point, I had been diagnosed as having depression. I now can’t attend funerals because I have massive panic attacks. A few years later I then lost my cousin who was killed in a car accident. Honestly, loss is something that we all will experience, at some point in our lives. Unfortunately, during this pandemic people are not able to say goodbye to their loved ones. Try and remember the good times. This is something that I found helped me. Remember you will never forget them you will always have them in your heart. Remind yourself that pain is something that